Saturday, November 17, 2007

my first blog so Bear with me

I like the idea of having a place to vent, let out all my feelings on what has been happening in my life recently. Let me begin by telling you that English is not my favorite subject and I am not naturally a writer. So please have patience. Thank you.........

I am a mother of a 9 year old and a 5 year old both girls and two cats Hershey(a boy) and Bella (a girl), I am the wife of a National Guard soldier who is stationed in Iraq, and has been since September of 2007 and will be there till September of 2008. I am a nurse at the local hospital where I float to all the floors. Medical/Oncology, Surgical, Cardiac/Intermediate care. Ortho/Neuro, and Psych. I graduated this past May and took my state boards to be licensed 2 days before my husband deployed. Right now I love my job, but that changes day to day depending what I have to deal with when I get there.....
The last time I was at work I was on the psych floor and I had to do 1:1 nursing with my patient who was mildly retarded and I believe psychotic some mild depression or could have been schizophrenic. Lets just say it was a wild night which ended with me sitting in a chair exhausted outside the padded room. I don't believe I was paid enough that night. They tell me that the patient likes me for some reason. I hate to see what she is like with someone she hates.
enough about work..........
Since my husbands deployment I have had to learn how to be both Mother and Father to my daughters. Which means on top of being the person who disciplines I also have to be the person who has fun. That's hard for me since I have graduated from college I have become lazy and I am more of a homebody. I guess after 3 years of being gone for up to 16 hours a day between school and work I just want to sit at home and do nothing for a little while.
Anyway tonight I took the girls to the Iron Rangers hockey game. Something my husband normally does. I was surprised at all the emotions that came along with it. The singing of the National Anthem really gives me a lump in my throat and I have to choke back some tears and keep from having a total melt down that nobody around me will understand. Its the little things that make it hard. Like going grocery shopping at walmart, something we normally do as a family. Taking a ride by the Lake, KFC (summer picnics),NMU hockey games, sledding, and ice skating. I'm not sure if I can handle it all. We have been recently invited to attend the annual National Guard Christmas party. I am not sure it will be a good idea. Surrounded by people that are going through the same thing as me and having to watch all of those kids that have to make it though the holidays with one of their most important people missing from their lives. I will definitely have to think about it the whole time, no pushing it to the back of my mind and trying to forget it. No pretending everything is ok. I don't know if I want to deal with it amongst a bunch of strangers.
I guess I could continue to ramble on and on but maybe I should save some stuff for next time.....TO BE CONTINUED.....